73. Recharging…or running away?
How to balance the fine line between self-care and escapism
We talk often about the importance of resting and recharging, intentional pauses, and taking breaks in this newsletter.
(A selected few:
We talk about it because it’s seriously important, not just for mental, emotional, creative, and physical energy reserves, but also because furthering “slow” culture—whether that’s slow food, slow work, etc.—is a great way to fight against toxic productivity culture.
This concept of intentional rest is usually packaged together with “self-care”—something else we’ve talked about frequently here. Especially in politically tumultuous times, when our attention and energy is deliberately exploited and shredded, we need to practice self-care in order to stay engaged, motivated, resourced, and connected to others.
But doesn’t it seem like a lot of “self-care” just ends up being…self-distraction? Many of us—especially those aware and engaging with the chaotic world—are (often rightly) skeptical of both our own and others’ self-care practices, because we suspect what we’re really participating in is escapism. We shame ourselves for disengaging, scoff at others for remaining ignorant. Our wish to be good, aware citizens of the world gives us an aversion to perceived escapism that either leads more swiftly to burnout or to a cyclical indulge → guilt → indulge cycle that traps us in bad feelings about ourselves.
Either way, we tend to throw out the self-care baby with the escapism bathwater, if you know what I mean.
But they’re not the same! So let’s explore the difference, and how to make sure your self-care practices fill you up instead of check you out.
Escapism vs. self-care: What’s the difference?
The difference between escapism and self-care comes down to intent and outcome.
Escapism is about avoiding reality. It’s a coping mechanism that helps you temporarily disconnect from stress, discomfort, or difficult emotions—but without addressing the root issue that led you to the disconnection in the first place. The respite is temporary, but can often leave you feeling numb rather than relieved.
Self-care is about renewal. It’s an intentional practice of recharging your mental, emotional, creative, and physical energy so you can engage with life more fully. Instead of avoiding reality, you’re preparing yourself to face it with more strength and clarity. The relief is also temporary, but it is restful—it gives you something to take back with you.
The same activities could be either escapism or self-care, depending on how and why you're doing it. If you’re bingeing TV to numb out and avoid responsibilities, that’s escapism. If you’re watching a show you love in order to relax after a long day, and if doing so, say, inspires you or helps you sleep better, that’s self-care.
Here are some common activities that can go either way, depending on the intent behind them and the outcome you end up with:
TV/movies
Scrolling social media
Playing video games
Reading books
Socializing
Snacking
Exercise
Wellness/beauty activities
Cleaning/organizing
Traveling
Even creative work!
The key question to ask: Is this helping me return to my life feeling more whole, or is it keeping me from doing or feeling something uncomfortable, unpleasant, or confronting?
And sometimes it’s really, really hard to answer that question honestly, not because we’re all selfish, lazy little snakes, but because our brains are so, so good at protecting us from stressful things. Self-deception is an incredible (and often incredibly useful!) coping mechanism.
Warning signs of escapism
Ok, so if self-deception is a coping mechanism that will keep you in your escapism, how can you tell? It’s important to check in with yourself to see if:
You feel guilty or anxious after your “break.” (And not just because you took a break—that’s toxic productivity talking.)
Your activity/practice allows you to procrastinate on doing important tasks or dealing with “big” emotions, (e.g. a deadline, a tough conversation, etc.).
Your activity puts you in an endless loop with no natural off-ramp (e.g., binge-watching, doomscrolling, phone games with infinite levels).
You feel more drained, numb, or dissociated rather than recharged afterward.
You feel distracted and “noisy-brained” without it.
I mean…relatable, right? We all do the above to a certain extent, but if you realize all of your self-care activities could be categorized this way, it might be time to reevaluate!
Cool...
How?
Flipping escapism into healthy resourcing
If you’re suspecting some of your “breaks” are less restorative than you thought, here are four techniques to try to adjust your approach:
1. Interrogate your intention before you start
Next time you sit down to watch TV, snuggle up with your phone, run off to the gym, or start planning your next trip, ask yourself:
What was I just doing or feeling before I started this activity?
If you were in a tense work meeting, squabbling with your parents or partner, or reading an upsetting news story, you might be trying to avoid processing how you feel about those things rather than seeking to restore yourself.
2. Use timeboxing or other constraints
Constraints are magic when it comes to mastering our energy and focus. If you recognize something you’re doing as escapist, try giving yourself an artificial timebox or limit. For example, “I’ll play this game for 45 minutes, then get back to work.” or “I’ll watch two episodes, even though I have more time than that.”
On the flip side of the coin, your constraint could be to do the thing you’re avoiding first, in order to sap the charge from the escapist activity, and push it into the realm of relaxation and restoration. For example, if you know you’re avoiding responding to your manager’s email, give yourself the “constraint” of having to do that before you can go exercise or watch TV.
3. Balance passive and active rest
Sometimes we think about rest as doing nothing, but that’s not always the case!
If absolutely all your breaks are passive, meaning that you’re doing nothing while consuming something else you might be leaning toward escapism. Consuming here could mean reading books, watching TV, listening to podcasts, scrolling social feeds or the news, or literally consuming food mindlessly—usually while doing one of the other passive things!
Try balancing your passive rest with active rest: creating something, exercising, socializing, going for a walk, etc. Active rest does require something of you. It takes energy. But, important, it’s a different kind of energy from the one that’s required to fulfill work tasks and other obligations.
That’s not to say that active rest can’t be used as escapism, but being intentional about balancing active and passive rest will keep you consciously engaged in your rest vs. defaulting to what’s easiest and most immediate.
4. Check in afterward
Just like you checked in before you started your self-care activity, check in afterward. Here are some questions to guide you:
Do I feel sluggish, guilty, or anxious?
Did this break give me new energy or insight?
Am I returning to my work/life/relationships with more clarity?
Do I feel present and engaged rather than zoned out?
If you’re not happy with your answers, try one thing differently next time, whether that’s setting your intention beforehand, doing a totally different type of activity, or giving yourself a timebox.
Then rinse and repeat!
Over to you…
By choosing intentional self-care over mindless escapism, we can sustain our energy, avoid burnout, and remain engaged in our lives and the world around us. What’s your relationship with rest? How have you figured out, or struggled with, taking the right kind of breaks?
For more…
Follow us on LinkedIn and on Instagram. Stay tuned to our Substack space for new community features and ways to meet your fellow subscribers.
And let us know if you’d like to go deeper with us to talk about you and creativity. We do:
1:1 coaching and mentorship
Team workshops and consulting for marketing and leadership
Speaking and appearances on podcasts and at events