64. To laze, or not to laze: How to know if you should rally or rest
And why distinguishing between fright and insight can help
In our last post, Kevan revealed that the number of Bonfire business ideas that have come from TikTok and Instagram videos is not zero. (Though our shame about that is zero.) This sentiment applies equally to posts on this Substack newsletter. Like this one.
A couple videos on my TikTok feed recently felt like the perfect cluster of topics for this time of year: the paradoxically fast-slow December Slide™ where every project and deliverable feels at once urgent—because it must be done before seemingly everybody physically disappears into the Holiday Hole™—and yet at the same time sluggish and neverending, because people’s hearts and minds have already passed the Holiday Event Horizon™.
It’s a time of year when you’re bone tired, fed up, and ready for a break—and when everything that’s standing in the way of that break feels like the worst, biggest, and hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. (Even if it’s something you’ve done a thousand times before!)
In these moments, when you’re more stressed than usual and the deadlines are deadline-ier than usual, it can be really helpful to consider two different competitive impulses that are interrelated:
I’ve linked above to the original TikTok explainers by a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, but I’ll unpack them here and explain how these apply to our relationship to our work and our creative projects.
Should you rally or rest?
There are moments in creative projects, at work, in relationships, in your career trajectory, where you just hit a wall. And when that happens, you have two choices:
You can rally (move through discomfort), meaning you can muster your energy and push through your slump in order to lean into a growing edge and Do the Damn Thing despite it being challenging, OR
You can rest (go resource yourself), meaning you take a full break from whatever it is you’re pursuing in order to collect yourself, regain your motivation, and then later return to whatever it is you were doing.
So why wouldn’t you just always rally? Because you run the risk of a) being less effective since you have low energy and motivation and b) crash-and-burning out. And why wouldn’t you always rest? Because you run the risk of a) being less effective (in a fun, different way!) and b) not developing resilience and perseverance to accomplish the things you do really want.
There is a time for rallying and a time for resting. (Cue: “Turn! Turn! Turn!” by The Byrds.) Take a moment to think to yourself if you have a natural inclination toward one or the other when things get hard. (I’m a natural rester; Kevan is a natural rallyer. Sometimes this is a great balance, and sometimes we annoy each other.)
So how do you know which is the right strategy for any moment? Here are some qualifying questions for the next time you Simply Cannot (sorry, really into Cute Caps today apparently!):
Can you still connect this thing to meaning, enjoyment, or importance? If so, it’s time to rally! If not, it doesn’t mean that this thing is stupid and worthless; it just means your brain is working extra hard to protect you from burnout by making the thing you want seem unattractive to you. Take a rest, then see if you still think it’s pointless! (And maybe you’ll indeed learn that you don’t actually want certain things in your life…)
Do you feel like you’re always coming back to the same obstacle? If you seem to always circle back to the same tough spot where you’re tempted to give up, it could be a sign that you need to rally in order to push through. Basically, you have to do something different to break the pattern.
Pay attention to your body and emotions. Are you specifically overwhelmed emotionally or depleted physically? If so, it’s probably time to rest. If you’re just feeling bored, avoidant, or annoyed, try rallying.
These, of course, are not super scientific questions. But they can help you identify if you’re hitting a wall to prevent physical and psychic damage (aka burnout!), in which case you should rest, or if you’re just responding to fear and discomfort, in which case you should rally.
But wait, is it bad to avoid fear and discomfort? Aren’t fear and discomfort useful because they tell us that something isn’t right? Isn’t that just our intuition telling us what’s good for us?
Not so fast! Fear vs. intuition is our second convoluted spectrum to unravel.
Is it fear or is it intuition?
Before we get into some qualifying questions for whether something is fear or intuition, let’s talk about why we really and truly hate fear and discomfort so much.
Our brains like predictability because predictability in our lives and environments = survival. You know what our brains have a harder time predicting, and therefore a harder time ensuring our survival? New things.
We’re afraid of new things because they throw off our brain’s ability to predict what happens next. Only, the problem here is that for the vast majority of us, the Scary New Thing isn’t an unknown cave with hidden dangers like snakes and bears and unstable terrain. No, for most of us, the Scary New Thing is like…an improv class. Opening an Etsy shop. Having a hard conversation with your boss or a friend. For most of us, the Scary New Thing poses zero actual danger, but our brain can’t really tell the difference. So it makes us afraid and uncomfortable, hoping we avoid the Scary New Thing and go back to all the things we already know—even if those things aren’t what we want, need, or are good for us!
This kind of fear and avoidance isn’t necessarily intuition, which is “the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning.” For example, you’ll hear people say things like “I got offered the job and it looks great on paper, but I had an intuition it wasn’t right for me, so I declined.”
For me, I can identify fear vs. intuition by the regret I feel or don’t feel after the situation passes. I can point to really clear moments in my life where I did not listen to my intuition, and I later regretted it. I can also point to moments where I did listen to my fear, and I later regretted it. (Take a minute to reflect on similar moments in your own life; can you make the distinction?)
While that might be helpful for identifying intuition vs. fear retrospectively and learning your patterns, that isn’t very helpful in the moment, is it? So here are some qualifying questions to better understand if the resistance you’re feeling is fear or intuition:
Is this resistance coming from feeling incapable, uncertain of yourself, doubtful of your abilities, or just out of your comfort zone? If so, this could be a fear/discomfort response, in which case it might be time to rally.
Do you feel anxious, tense, or panicky? Are you overthinking or “crashing out,” as the kids say? If so, you’re probably in a state of fear and discomfort rather than listening to your intuition. Intuition, even when warning you about something, is often a calm, clear thought or feeling.
Is your instinct to avoid, or is your instinct to go toward something or pay attention to something? Intuition is more often nudging you to go towards something or to pay close attention to something rather than screaming “Run away! Run away!” (Even when it’s warning you!)
Does the action this feeling is encouraging lead you toward your values and goals? If so, it’s more likely to be intuition than fear. For example, if you want to cancel an interview with a company of your dreams because you feel inadequate for the role, canceling will get you further from your goal. On the other hand, if you want to cancel an interview because you feel like a company might have shady business practices you don’t stand behind, that brings you closer to your values. One is fear, one is intuition!
The next time you come to a crossroads (or just an impasse!) and you aren’t sure what to do next, try sussing out how you feel based on the rubrics above. Not only will you learn more about yourself, but you’ll also develop tools for accomplishing more of what you really want with less risk of burnout and overwhelm.
Over to you…
What are your personal litmus tests for whether you should rally or rest, and whether you’re feeling fear or listening to your intuition? (One person commenting on the original videos said they knew they needed to rally or rest based on whether their hardcore rap playlist motivated them or irritated them. Love!) We’d love to collect more useful questions/litmus tests!
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