Change your life, one day at a time
A tiny guide to getting what you want
Hi there! You’re reading the Bonfire newsletter from Kevan Lee & Shannon Deep. Each week, we highlight learnings from our experience as in-house marketers turned agency owners who think a lot about creativity, our relationship to work, and how all of that impacts our identities. We’ll also feature insights from our digital community of super smart folks (which you’re welcome to join).
Wishing you a great week!
Calling all writers! If you love to write and want to invest more in your writing, we’d love to hear from you. We’re in the early stages of planning a writing retreat 🍿🍿🍿 All the details are still TBD, so your feedback would be incredibly helpful in this short survey.
How to change your life
When I was working as the VP Marketing at Buffer, I did a handful of coaching sessions with an amazing leadership coach, Sehaam Cyrene (highly recommended, btw: both to get yourself coaching, if you want it, and to look into folks like Sehaam—or us at Bonfire).
To start off our first session, Sehaam asked me a simple question:
“What do you want to be doing?”
And I instinctually blurted out my answer, “I just want to write.”
Which I followed with: “But obviously I can’t do that.”
VPs of Marketing don’t just quit and start writing! And yet it felt very true that the thing I wanted to do (write) was different from the thing I spent 40+ hours of my week doing. I’d never really said it so plainly before, to another human being. It was a no-filter response, with zero pretense, both the thing I wanted and the rationale that I obviously couldn’t have it.
Why couldn’t I just write all day every day? Well, according to my fearful lizard brain:
Writing doesn’t pay the bills.
I don’t know if I’ll be successful.
I already have a well-paying job.
I’ve spent time and effort building a VP Marketing career.
I don’t really know where to start with writing.
No one else I know is doing what they love.
I don’t want to be a starving artist.
What will my parents think?
What will LinkedIn think?
Writing is something you do on the side; it’s not the main thing.
I told Sehaam this. We had one or two more coaching sessions, and then I slowly backed away, like Homer Simpson into the hedge, because she helped me discover how to be the best version of myself and I wasn’t able to be that version right then. (If you’re reading this, Sehaam, sorry for disappearing on you!)
So how do people turn the page toward the things they want and the life they crave?
How did I (eventually) find the courage to do so, the support to go for it, and the resources to feel safe?
I’ve since changed a lot of things about my situation and am much closer to spending my time the way I want to be spending it. There’s still work to do—I’m no expert on following your dreams (see above)—but, I have found a few tricks that work for me and I have picked up many tips from others who I admire.
Here are a handful of ways to change your life, little by little: ideal for anyone stuck in a job they don’t like, eager to bet on themselves, or longing for a way to live a little differently.
1 - Do one task every day that gets you closer to your dream
I don’t mean to get all James Clear on you. I’ve actually never read a James Clear book front to back, so I couldn’t say how closely my one-thing-a-day mentality lines up with his 1% better mentality. Mine involves zero math, so that’s a plus!
One of the hardest parts of making a big shift in my life was the inertia of having a job that took so much time and energy from me. By the end of a workweek, I had nothing left to give to any creative projects or new adventures. The mere thought of tackling a non-work project seemed too much.
Relief finally came when I stopped thinking about things on a monthly/yearly timeline, and I got much more micro: What one thing can I do today that will get me closer to my goal?
One day is manageable. One task is manageable. For instance, when I really wanted a new job, I made a daily rule for myself: Every day, I had to do one thing that moved me forward. Just one, big or small.
Applying for a new job
Taking a call with a recruiter
Publishing something publicly
Sending a LinkedIn message to a new contact
Editing my social media profile
Updating my resume
Researching a company I admired
The key wasn’t the size of the action. The key was consistency.
1b - Do the one task first thing
Remember how I had no time or energy to think about new adventures while on the job? Well, adding even one new to-do each day was daunting at first until I decided to do the new to-do first thing in my day, before the chaos settled in.
Especially for those of you who are drowning in work, putting a dedicated amount of time for yourself on the calendar is one of the best ways you can slowly move the needle toward your new reality. My “me time” made the most sense early in my day, before the meetings and Slacks and projects overwhelmed me.
It’s not all that different from scheduling time for creativity. Schedule time for you!
2 – Showing up (consistently) is enough
Another reason people avoid the things they want is because they get discouraged or defeated when they can’t give their all to the new thing they want. We put pressure on ourselves to go all-in with new adventures and to attach success to big goals or binary outcomes.
What if success was just showing up every day?
It reminds me of Shannon’s advice about redefining creative success. Rather than an all-or-nothing mentality, it can be effective to simply return to the work and give whatever you have to give:
Rewarding myself for the act of returning became a virtuous cycle. My brain got a little dopamine hit every time I sat down to work—not only when I finished a chapter or hit another 10,000 words—which kept me coming back and back and back. And when I continuously put myself in the position of returning to the work, go figure that it was more likely that I did the work!
I tried this when I was trying to break into the startup marketing world. My goal was a job that I dreamed of, but my day-to-day reality was simply showing up consistently and giving whatever I could give. As I mentioned above, it helps to carve out time to do at least one thing a day toward your goal. It also helps to be kind to yourself and not feel like you have to give your all, all the time.
“If you have 50 percent to give, and you give 50 percent, then you gave 100 percent.”
~ Meghan Lawson
3 - You don’t have to succeed right away
And you probably won’t!
Nevertheless, the fear of delayed success is often enough to prevent us from pushing forward. Stop me if any of these sound familiar:
If you’re starting a newsletter, it has to be brilliant from Day One.
If you’re starting a new company, it has to immediately replace your income.
If you’re making a career switch, it has to sound impressive on social media.
That pressure makes it easy to do nothing.
But the reality is much less glamorous. Most of the people who eventually build something meaningful or do something new or change their situation are simply the ones who kept showing up long enough and got comfortable with the imperfect: writing meh newsletters that no one reads, twiddling their thumbs while no new business comes their way, picking a work situation that’s good-for-them not good-for-LinkedIn.
And slowly, quietly, the work compounds.
We did this with Bonfire, slowly succeeding our way into something that felt viable to do full-time. We were fortunate to get some early clients that helped us build a bank balance which helped us make the jump into full-time entrepreneurship. That early traction helps a lot when you’re betting on yourself. And don’t expect everything to line up perfectly right from the start!
4 – Design your life so the right thing is easier
The biggest change I made over the past few years wasn’t some heroic leap toward my dream. It was a series of small environmental changes.
I started showing up every day to do one thing toward my dream.
I blocked this time on my calendar so I wouldn’t miss it.
I followed people (newsletters, blogs, socials) I could learn from.
I surrounded myself with people who encouraged me and/or inspired me.
Notice a similar theme to these moves? They all helped re-shape my environment.
Instead of relying on motivation, which can come and go, I tried to design conditions that made the right behavior more likely.
For you, this might look like:
Scheduling time for the thing you care about
Joining a community of people doing the same thing (we’d love to welcome you to our Campout community)
Blocking distractions during your creative time
Setting smaller, repeatable goals instead of big ones
When the environment supports the behavior, you don’t have to rely on willpower. Thank goodness, especially when willpower is at a premium these days.
You can do it
I hope you’ll find some encouragement and strategies here that can help you get a little closer to what it is you truly want. We’d love to hear what you’re chasing and to support you however we can!
What are you interested in doing for yourself?
What’s getting in the way?
Leave us a comment or reply.
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Such a great piece! Needed this