Be yourself 🐝

Enter the judgment-free zone, where career crossroads, impostor syndrome, and crises of faith don’t mean the sky is falling

Hi there! You’re reading the Bonfire newsletter from Kevan Lee & Shannon Deep. Each week, we highlight brand, marketing, and creative learnings from our experience as in-house marketers turned agency owners who think a lot about creativity, our relationship to work, and how all of that impacts our identities. We’ll also feature insights from our digital community of super smart folks (which you’re welcome to join).

Wishing you a great week!

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The heart wants what the heart wants

One of the go-to Zoom questions on new calls is the classic, “Where are you calling from?” And my answer—Boise, Idaho, USA—elicits one of several responses:

• Huh?

• Polite blinking, followed by quick subject-changing

• Praise for the natural beauty of Idaho and the abundance of outdoor activities

• Stories about that one time they drove through Boise on their way to somewhere else

Boise is a five-hour drive from Salt Lake City, Utah; it is seven-and-a-half hours to Seattle, Washington, and it is 10-plus hours from San Francisco. We have a cute little airport that requires multiple stops to get to most places of note. Famously, our internet goes out when bears use cell towers as scratching posts.

So needless to say, I did not grow up ensconced in Silicon Valley culture. I am an outsider, posing as an insider, and I spent pretty much my entire career faking it til I made it. When I got my first startup job, I had to look up the definition of MRR.

This outsider status led to some pretty intense impostor syndrome and a persistent case of the “shoulds.” I am still working to overcome both, plus my other ills. The voices in my head stay the same, and their focus has merely shifted from my in-house work to my Bonfire work.

• Impostor syndrome: I don’t know enough about how to run a successful business. I am no [insert Silicon Valley founder here]!

• Shoulds: I should post more on social media, I should be more interested in networking, I should listen to a business podcast for once in my life.

• Comparison: Everyone else seems to have their life figured out.

• Groupthink: Climbing the corporate ladder is just what people do. Don’t be silly.

• Fear: What if it all goes wrong?

Mythbusting our toxic thoughts

I was talking to a friend the other day about a decision they made to quit the rat race of tech startups and to instead find a job that ended at a decent hour and left them plenty of time to invest in their hobbies and their family. That doesn’t sound like asking too much, right? And yet the decision was weighty. It was hard because so much of this person’s work context has been shaped by the stories that surround us.

How can we unlearn those stories and feel more confident in choosing our own paths?

I am a work in progress, but the thoughts I struggle with most often tend to be assuaged by mindfulness and reflection. Here are some of my favorite thought starters and prompts for silencing the voices in my head.

Impostor Syndrome

That sneaky feeling that you don’t know what you’re doing, that everyone else is more legit than you, and that you’re only one mistake away from being found out. One of our most-loved newsletter posts ever was written on this topic.

Prompts:

• What’s something I’ve learned on the job that I’m proud of?

• What would I do differently if I trusted that I’m capable?

• What would I tell a friend who felt the way I do?

For me, I am guilty of being far kinder to others than I am to myself, and knowing that this extends to my impostor syndrome helps me balance out reality from fiction. I think others are pretty great, even if I doubt myself; others probably think I’m pretty great (this is WILD to me, some days), so maybe I can try to see what they see in me.

The Shoulds

The endless to-do list of behaviors you’re supposed to adopt to be seen as ambitious, professional, or “good” at your job. And yes, we’ve written about this before, too.

Prompts:

• Who decided I should want this?

• What “should” can I let go of this week?

• What do I want instead?

For me: I’ve started turning my “should” into “could.” Rather than, “I should post more to social media,” I’ve reframed it to “I could post more on social media.” What a relief!

(Thank you to Kira Klass for the should/could recommendation.)

Comparison

Measuring your worth against other people’s LinkedIn announcements, highlight reels, or career timelines—and coming up short.

Prompts:

• Whose career am I comparing mine to, and why?

• What’s something I’ve done that the younger version of me would be thrilled about?

• What might my path look like if I didn’t need to explain or justify it to anyone?

Groupthink

The pressure to follow the conventional path because it’s what everyone else is doing—even if it doesn’t feel right for you.

Prompts:

• If no one I knew was in this job, would I still want it?

• What’s a time I made an unconventional choice that paid off?

• Where am I following a script I didn’t write?

For me, it’s helpful to talk to people outside my bubble, especially people outside of tech, to better understand just how narrow some of my beliefs about myself, the work world, and the career ladder truly are. Go figure: Most people don’t know the difference between a Head Of and a Vice President.

Fear

The gut punch of “what if it all goes wrong?” that makes any dream feel too risky to even consider.

Prompts:

• What’s the worst-case scenario—and what would I do if it happened?

• What’s the best-case scenario I’m not allowing myself to imagine?

• What would I try if failure didn’t count against me?

So, what if you want to do things your own way?

All these toxic thoughts might lead you to believe: It’s easier to just stay where you are.

The status quo is safe.

Why rock the boat?

Inertia can be an incredibly strong force when it comes to determining how we design our careers. A lot of people stay in the same jobs they started in, never questioning any other paths (plenty of people stay somewhere because they love the job, too, and good for them finding a forever home). In fact, we have so many forces working against us when it comes to thinking differently about work: social media signaling, burnout and overwork, opaque hiring processes, poor job markets, and the list could go on and on. The capitalist machine doesn’t really want us cogs questioning whether it’s worth it to remain a cog. The machine reinforces cog behavior in all sorts of different ways, whether it’s through remuneration, status, or peer pressure.

This is why our toxic thoughts can feel so toxic. The system benefits from toxicity. It keeps people where they are.

So when it comes to designing a career of your choice, the key is to keep reminding yourself that you do have a choice. For many years, I forgot this! Sure, perhaps my stifled inner voice might have said that I did in fact enjoy striving toward a VP title at a fast-growing startup; but I stayed on the treadmill without really wondering. I didn’t know that people could wonder, were allowed to wonder.

Bless those of you who have given it some thought and intentionally have chosen a path for yourself. You’re several steps ahead of where I was!

For me, it was a two-step process:

1. Figure out what you want to be doing

2. Recognize what you need in order to make it happen

(Step zero: give yourself permission and time and space to figure stuff out!)

For some of you, with step one, the thing you want to be doing will be the thing you are doing right now. Congrats! For step two, you may just need to figure out how to keep doing your work while, say, managing up to a difficult boss or navigating a yucky work culture or setting work-life boundaries.

For others, the step of figuring out what you want might take you in a totally new direction. Also congrats! You are brave and capable and will go on and do great things. In order to make this new path happen, you have a bit more resistance, not the least of which are the toxic thoughts and cultural pressure working against you.

Over to you

Have you spent time thinking about what you really want for your career? How’s it going? Which of the voices do you have in your head, and how do you deal with them?

Let us know. We’d love to hear from you!

Want more like this? Join us in Campout.

In Campout, our digital community, we talk about stuff like this on the daily in our channels and a couple times a month in our live events. All supported by exercises and templates to help you craft a career with purpose and intention.

Next month, join us for:

• DIY Sabbatical: Design your own recharge. A working session that answers the question: What if you could design a mini-reset that fits your actual life, not the version where you have unlimited PTO and zero responsibilities?

• Career AMA (Save the Date). Our very first Career AMA is in the works—where someone gets real about their career journey, the pivots, the wins, the "wait, how did I end up here?" moments, and everything in between.

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But wait! There’s more…

Wanna hang out?

We’re SOLD OUT for our first retreat this fall, but you can join the waitlist for our next one, coming spring of 2026.

Wanna be friends?

If you love this newsletter and wish it were more interactive, you’re in luck! Join us over in Campout, our digital community for creative marketers and the creative curious.

Wanna work with us?

If you need help with brand strategy and storytelling, fractional brand and marketing leadership, and bringing your brand strategy to life in impactful ways, send us an email at hello@aroundthebonfire.com to get in touch.

As always, you can find us on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Threads.

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