70. How to use psychology for good in your storytelling
You don’t have to make people feel terrible about themselves in order to sell stuff
The Super Bowl is this weekend. Nearly 50 advertisers will spend $8 million apiece for 30 seconds of captive screentime. You could buy a lot of French chateaux with that money!
(Oh, and I guess there’s a sports game happening, too.)
I love me some Super Bowl commercials. They sell to me without making me feel like a garbage human; they make me laugh, they make me curious, they make me hopeful. They also make me a little incredulous that companies spend $8 million dollars for me to forget which one of them uses Jennifer Coolidge in their ads (it’s either Uber Eats, ELF Cosmetics, or Discover Card. Or all three.)
The commercials are, honestly, quite refreshing. Especially when I think about some of the marketing I’ve been asked to do over the years as an in-house startup marketer, creating pitch decks and campaigns that strike fear into the hearts of my persona and promote urgency to whip out that credit card. It’s hard to believe that the creative professionals making Super Bowl ads are the same marketing species that I am; they craft set-piece jokes for TV, while I toil away making a C-suite’s LinkedIn content go viral.
What we do have in common, though, is an understanding of human psychology. Marketers are storytellers (not manipulators), which means we’re really good at understanding our audience and crafting narratives that resonate with our people.
One of a marketer’s most-loved tools is psychology. We use psychology to tap into human emotion, which helps us connect and identify with our audience. But this asset does, of course, have its pros and cons. With great behavioral knowledge comes great responsibility.
For marketers, the responsibility lies with how we use psychology to tell our stories: empathizing with our audience to build them up versus taking advantage of their vulnerabilities.
You can probably guess where we, Bonfire, stand on that spectrum. (Build people up!)
And you can probably guess where a lot of marketing today resides. (Vulnerabilities = ROI)
Many companies choose to use psychology against their would-be customers, appealing to their base desires rather than letting customers meet their own needs on their own terms. As Shannon put it in last week’s newsletter:
Companies get rich by selling sexy cars and plastic surgery and single family detached houses, not by encouraging you to look within yourself and around you at your community for ways to meet your emotional needs that don’t cost shit.)
Companies get rich by selling us on emotions of fear, jealousy, inadequacy, selfishness, and guilt. Oof! I nearly threw my computer in the ocean just thinking about it. There are a handful of popular sales techniques in business-to-business (B2B) selling that make no qualms about the strategy of challenging the prospect in order to close a deal. One of the techniques is literally called Challenger.
@30mpcSend a frowny face #salestips #b2bsales #objectionhandling #salesdevelopment
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It’s this type of breathless appeal from sales people and marketers that has become incredibly commonplace in a lot of the marketing that we see today. It happens because it is the shortest distance between Point A and a sale, regardless of the icky feelings created along the way. Does it work in the short term? Sometimes. Does it lead to long-lasting, positive relationships? Not likely.
(And it doesn’t always happen between companies and customers. I’ve been emotionally manipulated by people, bosses, and peers to take a certain job, to not negotiate a salary, to accept work outside my scope, etc.)
But I believe there’s a way to move from the negative end of the spectrum to the positive.
How to use psychology for good in your storytelling
The issue with this approach to witch-hunting your customers' deepest negative emotions is that it creates a company culture of weaponized words and power displacement, and it builds a brand based on fear and strong-arming. Long-lasting brands are not the brands that coerce and manipulate someone’s feelings in order to sell.
So if you don’t want to appeal to people’s scariest feelings, then where does that leave you?
We believe in the power of storytelling at Bonfire—and we have seen the power of positive storytelling firsthand. I experience it every year with my favorite Super Bowl commercials (consider me a Reese’s peanut butter cup fan for life now). I have seen brands scale to audiences of millions based on brand foundations of freedom, encouragement, and togetherness.
So with this in mind, if you’re looking for alternatives to the scare tactics of some modern marketing messaging, here are some of the most compelling, positive narratives we’ve seen work wonders:
Appeal to the future—One of my favorite storytelling frameworks is the before-after-bridge narrative, where you tell someone about life today (“before”), you paint them a beautiful picture of life tomorrow (“after”), and then you describe how the thing you sell can help get them there (“bridge”). This method relies on positive emotions of progress, betterment, and development, which help your would-be customer feel more ambitious and hopeful.
Appeal to optimism—“How great would it be if …” This narrative borrows a bit from daydreaming, where you are inviting your audience to come imagine with you, to come build a better world together. Instead of focusing on what’s broken, it focuses on what’s possible. This can be incredibly powerful when paired with visuals and aspirational language that makes the future feel real and within reach.
Appeal to balance—Not every story needs to be about radical transformation; sometimes, people are simply looking for equilibrium. This kind of storytelling is about alleviating friction, simplifying complexity, or making someone’s life just a little bit easier. Whether it’s a time-saving app, a stress-reducing habit, or a product that brings harmony to their routine, balance-driven narratives speak to the deeply human desire for steadiness and peace.
Appeal to betterment—People love a good underdog story—not just about others, but about themselves. The best brands make their customers feel like the main character of a self-improvement arc, where they have the power to grow, achieve, and become a better version of themselves. This kind of storytelling leans into themes of learning, growth, and mastery, showing people what they can unlock when they take action.
And one big, general idea:
Find the inverse of the negative
Negative emotions typically come with positive counterparts. Carl Jung’s “light and shadow” psychology is a metaphor describing human tendencies as a spectrum, spanning from light to shadow. For instance, if I am a really hard worker, the “light” side of this might be that I accomplish a lot and feel productive and am seen as a valued contributor to my family, friends, and teams; the “shadow” side would be that I get burned out easily, I am hard on myself, and I don’t take time to reflect and lift my head up while I’m diving into projects.
The negative emotions we may be compelled to use in our marketing can also be reframed and phrased to acknowledge the “light” side of their psychology. Here’s a table with some of the more common negative emotions that we’re asked to employ as marketers and some of the positive alternatives that we can lean on instead:
Negative → Positive
Fear → Confidence, safety, reassurance
Envy / Jealousy →Inspiration, aspiration, motivation
Selfishness → Self-care, empowerment, worthiness
Inadequacy → Growth, progress, self-improvement
Guilt → Responsibility, integrity, redemption
Scarcity → Abundance, opportunity, generosity
Individualism → Community, collaboration, togetherness
Death → Renewal, transformation, legacy
Over to you
At the heart of it all, the best brand stories don’t just sell—they inspire. Whether you’re helping someone dream bigger, feel more capable, or simply breathe a little easier, a strong positive narrative will always leave a lasting impact.
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