60. So many toxic thoughts, so little time
How to deal with toxic thinking and negative self-talk
Some days I feel like I could take on the world.
Other days I feel like crawling into a cave and sleeping for 1,000 years.
What makes the difference between world-beating days and hibernation days? One of the main factors is my mindset. (I have plenty of days that fall in between these extremes, too; I’m just being dramatic.) My outlook on work and creativity can be easily influenced by the thoughts running around my head—positively so when the thoughts are affirming and encouraging; negatively so when the thoughts are judgmental and cynical. The tricky bit is that our brains are wired to fixate on trouble, so it’s the negative thoughts that require more work to keep at bay. “I'm addicted to you,” sings Britney Spears. “Don't you know that you're toxic?” Was she speaking about human psychology or a boy? I guess we’ll never know.
Toxic thoughts and negative self-talk are incredibly commonplace in the modern world of work and creativity. So our job as creators then is to understand the nature of these thoughts and actively work to restore a sense of reality and hopefulness to our outlook.
Easier said than done! (Or is that the toxic thoughts talking?)
Here are some approaches.
First, what even are toxic thoughts?
Toxic thoughts are false beliefs that can negatively impact your life and the lives of others. They can arise from a previous pain or a lived experience, especially when you’ve felt a violation of trust or safety or security. Toxic thoughts can show up in all aspects of life—yes, work and creativity, but also your relationships, your family, your community, your worldview.
Given my part-time role as toxic thought documentarian, let me share a few with you.
Here is a sampling of my toxic thoughts around my posting to social media:
No one’s even going to see this, so why bother?
No one wants to hear what I have to say.
I’ll never get as many likes as [fill-in-the-blank], so what’s the point?
People will probably think I’m trying too hard if I post this.
If this doesn’t get any engagement, it just proves I’m not good at this.
And here is a sampling of my toxic thoughts around starting a business:
The world has enough [insert my business idea here].
I have no idea what I’m doing and will therefore mess it up.
Starting a business will consume my life. And I like my life!!
Why would anyone want to work with me? I am a baby who knows so very little.
I can’t handle the pressure and the risk of doing it all on my own.
(Now is also a good time to point out the overlap with toxic thinking and with imposter syndrome. Here is a really really good newsletter about imposter syndrome in particular.)
As you can see, these thoughts share some commonalities with one another. Generally speaking, our toxic tall tales spring to life because of one or more of these factors:
Blaming others for your circumstances
Having expectations of how yourself or others should behave
Constantly worrying about what others think
Feeling the need to prove you're right
Constantly replaying situations in your mind
Jumping to conclusions
Trying to be a mind reader
Psychology Today calls these “thought distortions” and categorizes them in four different ways:
Black-and-white thinking. Seeing everything as one way or another, without any in between.
Personalizing. Assuming you are to blame for anything that goes wrong, like thinking someone did not smile at you because you did something to upset her. (It's more likely that person is having a hard day and her mood had nothing to do with you.)
Filter thinking. Choosing to see only the negative side of a situation.
Catastrophizing. Assuming the worst possible outcome is going to happen.
I am personally predisposed to black-and-white thinking, worrying what others think, replaying situations in my head over and over again, and mind reading. What are you most susceptible to? Or maybe I can just read your mind and find out myself? jk
What to do about toxic thoughts
Knowing is half the battle. Or at least, it’s the beginning of the battle. As we become more familiar with what triggers our toxic thoughts and when they appear, we can start applying strategies to reframe them and foster a more constructive mindset.
Here are some approaches to help.
1 - Name the thought—generally or quite literally
One powerful way to take the sting out of a toxic thought is to name it. When a negative idea surfaces, try to give it a consistent label. This could be a generic label like “Toxic Thought” (obvs), which will help you separate it from other thoughts like “Idea” or “Curiosity.” Or, you can give it an actual name, like “The Critic” or “The Impostor” or “Evil Kevan.” Naming it externalizes the thought, helping you see it as a visitor in your mind rather than a core truth.
For example, if you’re thinking, “I’ll never be as successful as others in my field,” you can recognize this as your “Comparison Critic.” Once you label it, you may even find humor in it and realize that it’s not entirely rational—it’s just a reflexive, unhelpful thought that doesn’t define you or your potential.
2 - Challenge and replace the thought
When a toxic thought surfaces, take a step back and question it.
Ask yourself:
Is this really true?
Is there evidence that contradicts it?
Sometimes, toxic thoughts go unchecked because we assume they’re grounded in truth, but a quick reality check can reveal that they’re often based on assumptions or fear rather than fact.
Replace the thought with something that feels both true and encouraging. Instead of “I’ll never be as good as [fill-in-the-blank],” try replacing it with “I’m learning and growing every day, and my path is unique.” This switch doesn’t deny the challenge; it just reframes it—rebrands it, you might say—in a way that empowers you.
3 - Take small, consistent actions
Toxic thoughts thrive in inaction because they often magnify uncertainty and fear. Action creates clarity. Action also creates reality. By breaking down your goal into manageable pieces, you can slowly chip away at the overwhelming nature of these toxic, theoretical thoughts. Every little achievement serves as proof that your efforts matter and that progress is possible.
For example, if you share my social media anxiety and believe that “I don’t have a social media strategy, so I can’t post,” then you and I can start small: post once this week, even if it’s a simple update or thought, no matter whether there’s a bigger picture vision to your social presence. Action is an antidote to overthinking and can help build the momentum to keep going.
4 - Practice self-compassion
One of the most underrated tools for combating toxic thoughts is self-compassion. Imagine how you would respond if a friend came to you with the same fears that are rolling around in your head. You’d likely encourage them, remind them of their strengths, and assure them it’s okay to make mistakes. Try to extend the same kindness to yourself.
When you catch yourself thinking, “No one wants to hear what I have to say,” counter it with a gentle reminder: “Even if only a few people listen, it’s worth sharing. My perspective has value.” Self-compassion isn’t just “being nice” to yourself—it’s about giving yourself the grace to grow and make mistakes.
The internet is rife with affirmations, and some of my favorites are the ones they give to kids to build the habit of positive self-talk and encouragement. Eight-year-old me would have loved something like this:
Lightning round!
There are a lot of other great tips and tricks out there for combating negative thoughts. Here are a few other quick things to try next time they rear their head:
Limit exposure to triggers: Identify and reduce exposure to people, situations, or content (like certain social media accounts) that feed negative comparisons or self-doubt.
Practice gratitude: Regularly note three things you’re grateful for, which can help shift focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in your life.
Visualize positive outcomes: Instead of fixating on worst-case scenarios, take a few minutes to imagine a positive result to build confidence and reduce anxiety around challenges.
Over to you
Implementing these strategies won’t eliminate every toxic thought, but with practice, they can become a much quieter part of your mind. Over time, you’ll notice that your less toxic days come around a little more often. And when the cave days arrive, they won’t feel quite so overwhelming—you’ll know you have tools to manage them.
What do you do to manage your negative self-talk?
Do you fear social media as much as I do?
It’d be great to hear from you in the comments or replies.
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